this kind of day...

this has been one of those days. not only are the energies of the universe changing and settling into a new cycle/routine but my home is upside down six ways to sunday. hubby is STILL home after being "off" due to a lack of work and then an upset to his knee, which is now requiring an MRI among other things, we bought our daughter a truck VERY CHEAP that ran fine until about 12 hours after we bought it - seems to be a problem with a sensor, nothing big - and to top all this off, i went and broke the kitchen faucet today, which you know automatically means seventy-twelve times the amount of work it should require to simply replace it. naturally we have to replace four thousand other pieces of 40+ year old bad plumbing that seemingly had nothing to do with the part that broke but seems to have something to do with the greater cosmic feng shui of the damp, underdepths of a kitchen sink. don'tcha just love this kind of day....

😆

wondering

who are we
why are we
where are we
what are we and why do we need to be anything
where do we fit
why do we want to fit
differences, similarities, shared ideals and opposite ideals
feelings, emotions, notions and potions
things we tell ourselves to get through, get by, get laid, get what we want
big, little, tall, small
gay, straight, fat, skinny
ugly, beautiful, intelligent or not
disabled, diseased, disfigured, disconnected, discontent
tattooed, pierced, showy, dowdy, frumpy, flashy, trashy
God fearing, God disbelieving
sexual, asexual, oversexed
falling into places, norms, classes, monetary,cultural and racial classifications
and begging to be let out, to get out, to run and be free
looking, searching, reaching, stretching
finding and binding ourselves to perceived and expected boundaries
loving, hating
understanding, refusal to see or believe
categories beyond numbers
all of us trying to be as many as we can
wanting to be none of them
saying one thing, doing another, doing ONE another
questions, questions, questions
answers by the millions, billions
and none of them what we want or expect
whos, whats, whens, wheres, whys, hows
trying please everyone and everything and pleasing nothing and no one
bombarded by "you must", "you will", "you have to"
fall in, fall down, fall behind
confusion, delusion, contradiction, hypocrisy
everything building and heaping and leaping, spinning and turning, growing bigger, bigger, bigger in our minds and hearts to the point of explosive overflowing ....
wondering

sanity

title of this particular post may not quite "match" the BS I 'm probably about to spout and I may use it again down the road, so beware.  BUT, I am going to try (as of today), to make this blog a weekly thing.  for me and for you. for me, so I can maybe get some of the clutter OUT of my head, sort it, see it from a different view (with your help), you know.  kind of a cathartic release on my end.  and for you purely for entertainment.  yeah, I see you sitting there going "OMG!! NO!!"  "how much can one daffy heifer spout?!"  hey.  you're reading it so who's the daffy-er one!!  anyhoo, that being said, I had been kinda stewing on what topic I might broach first and I kept coming up with decent thoughts but to be honest, right now it's all a massive jumble in there and what I WAS gonna sound off about is looking a bit flat to me right now so I tried going back to another something that had caught my attention in the last few days, only I don't know quite how to approach that one either, and then all these thoughts go spinning and flying around in my head to the point where I begin to question my own sanity because nothing I say makes any sense.  damn that was a long ass sentence.  see?  THAT should tell you my sanity is definitely in question.   well, if this blog thing works out, believe me when I say you will most surely question more than my sanity from time to time as I  am sure I will go from pleasant to asshole in 0.5 seconds and back again.  I will whine from time to time, bitch and moan about how unfair things are or how my anxiety has taken over again (as it is trying to do at this very moment) or how I want to strangle my offspring one day to "loving them so much!" the next.  be prepared to shake your head and go "what the hell is she smoking today?"  which by the way, I OFFICIALLY have had to quit smoking for once and all.  for good.  it's helping keep my vertigo flaring and I kinda don't like that swimmy-headed, fuzzy feeling.  so good-bye Marlboro's.  ok.  OK!!! stop clapping and cheering now!!!!  ok.  where was I?  oh yeah.  I may say things that will offend or make you angry and if I do, please have the balls to let me know.  I am not perfect and definitely do NOT know everything (although sometimes I am convinced I do - hey!  I'm human.)
so I will say things that not everyone agrees with.  just please know that I by no means expect everyone to agree with me either.  and I like it that way.  and if you really want to know just how much to question my sanity, I am listening to Christmas music as I write this.  just because I wanna.  Amy Grant to be specific.  gimmie 5 minutes and it'll be Rob Zombie ....... yeah.  hang on and come with if you're brave enough.