huh?????

anyone else out there having racing thoughts?  anyone else able to go from cheerful to depressed in 0.6 seconds? and not know why?  i can't explain it.  but i was happy as hell a little while ago and now . . . i honestly think i'm going crazy.  i can't concentrate these days, can't remember to do what i need to do, and if i do remember, i somehow never get it done.  my thoughts are truly scrambled right now.  and bouncing like crazy in that vast cavern that is my empty skull.  i want to laugh hysterically and cry in the same breath.  once again i am feeling VERY inadequate and stooopid.  yeah, yeah, i know, build a fence and get over it.  yeah, well you bite me.  i don't seem to express myself well these days - i feel like i sound like a complete fool with any opinion i give or statement i make or action i try.  i can't seem to do anything right - i feel like i'm losing a couple of important battles and i don't want to say too much about a lot of it to anyone else b/c i'm afraid of what they might wind up saying.  in one instance, i'm afraid it will add to one person's very misplaced sense of guilt . . . and i don't want to go there.  but i'm at a loss as to how to handle one situation and it's driving me nuts to be honest.  i have a deep sense of fear hanging right over my head too and i don't know why.  nearly a dread sense.  i have a tendency to overreact about some situations simply b/c i can't control them and a HUGE tendency to worry some things to death . . . which i guess is what i'm doing.  i ramble when i speak to people.  i have one friend on facebook that i'm sure at this moment is rolling her eyes and wondering when this goofy heifer will lighten up or wake up or whatever.  you know, i had this tremendously crazy idea of writing a book.  i did well i guess for a while but i can't seem to finish.  yeah, that's normal for me.  i just don't feel like i'm doing anything good with it.  in fact, it sucks if you ask me.  i keep getting truly wonderful compliments on my writing ability but to be honest, i hate what i write.  i keep getting told i have this gift and that i SHOULD share it and so forth.  BULLSHIT.  let me say that again.  BULL-SHIT!!!!  i'm not a writer.  i'm a fat-assed goofy housewife with delusions of granduer.  now several people are gonna tell me to stop this.  and realize i AM good at writing.  and i AM a good person.  and so forth and so on.  maybe.  i doubt it.  i'm one of those people who's half-assed good at next to nothing but existing.  yeah, yeah, i hear you.  then change it.  do something about it.  quit whining.  stop putting myself down.  quit believing that screaming BITCH who is currently raging inside my head as i write this.  i can't.  that part of me is quite convincing.  she's done it for 40 years.  don't worry.  i'm not the kind of depressed that will cause me to say i want to "end it all".  no, no, no.  i like living.  i'm just not good at it.  sorry to put this out there and leave it so abruptly but i'm running out of things to say coherently.  just needed to say something i guess. . . . .